There’s a gift for every occasion. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, they all have certain gifts that are and aren’t appropriate. For a new baby, a diaper bag and teddy bear are a-okay. A chainsaw and matching protective gear are not. Similarly, there are certain gifts you should shy away from when buying gifts for a mistress.
Don’t Waste Your Time on the Showy, Flashy Stuff
The word you should be keeping in mind with a fling or mistress is subtle, and maybe secret. So with that in mind, even if you’re really into her, you shouldn’t shower her with things like cars and buckets of diamonds. Those kinds of gifts only raise nosy questions from people around you, and she won’t be able to enjoy them like she should. This is especially the case if she’s got a boyfriend or husband of her own. Don’t make her have to answer his nosy questions. You think it’s bad enough when your wife or girlfriend snoops, but your fling might have to worry about her boyfriend’s potential temper. Keep her safety in mind.
Don’t Give Her Stuff That Can Be Easily Traced to You
That means none of your monogrammed shirts or hoodies, obviously. But it also means that you shouldn’t give her jewelry with your name or initials engraved, or any really personal stuff like a ring passed down in your family. Not only will that be trivially easy even for a grade-school detective to trace to you, those kinds of deeply sentimental gifts will give her the wrong idea if you’re only planning on keeping her a casual fling. If you’re not going to eventually leave your wife or girlfriend for her, stick with something that’s not so personal.
Don’t Give Her Anything Alive
You might want to take this as a public service announcement to always wear a condom, but we’re mostly referring to gifts of plants and pets here. (But you do always want to wear a condom when you’re indulging yourself in flings. Pregnancy and STDs are two gifts that no mistress really wants.) Not only is the gift of a puppy or kitten ridiculously hard for her to explain away to snooping individuals, it’s also a bit too personal for the casual relationship you’re aiming for. The animal will probably get attached to you and her as its parents, and she might follow suit. The gift of something like an aquarium can be a little more acceptable, but make sure she actually wants it and has asked for it specifically. The same goes for all gifts of animals. You’re giving her the responsibility for these animals’ lives and health, so you want to make sure she’s down for that. Plants are a somewhat safer bet, as they’re a less suspicious addition to a household than a new puppy, but again, you’ll want to make sure that she asked for that kind of responsibility, and can handle devoting the time to its care and upkeep. Also, make sure she’s not allergic to any of the above. Having to tend to a sneezing fit will ruin any mood.